Author’s note: Hi, it’s been a while since the last post. I know. For those of you who have recently joined, or returned, you should know that this blog is primarily for my children, Iris, Enzo, and Iana. But it’s okay if you want to read it too.
Yesterday, I listened to a man from South Sudan tell me his story. It was one of undying hope. And not the kind of hope that pulls your heart strings at that cathartic moment in the middle of a drama series on television. His hope has grit. Hope that has been purified by a crucible of fire. His story is touching and powerful. Maybe one day you’ll read his book.
In the end, I never went to South Sudan. The trip was postponed twice, and when the team finally found the right time to go, I had to stay. A baby sister was born in June 2017, you see, so my place was with our family, focused on finding a new normal.
Since the last time I wrote you here, we have grown from a family of four to one of five. And it has been wonderful. I’m sure I’ll write more about it soon. For now, let me say: Welcome Iana!
I took over a year off from this blog. Consistency in writing here is hard, I’ll admit. It’s harder when a new life enters our family because time becomes less. But I’ll chalk it up to 2017 being one of the hardest years of my life thus far. Yet at the same time, it was one of the best.
The bell rung on the first round of battle with life in mid-October 2016. Your mother and I received a notice of an overdue tax bill that stopped time. It was an extended moment. The kind that finds one staring, mouth agape, mind racing. The sand in the hourglass flows but no one is paying attention. When everything snapped back into place, the realization that settled in was one of determination to make things right, but — more importantly — to seek peace in time with God.
I may write more on the ins and outs of what happened — if for no other reason than to try to prevent you from making my mistakes — but the long and short of it is 2017 was a year when we did not know how to pay rent, to pay for food, to pay for heating oil, for your school, or many, many other things. In the book of Matthew, there are the words, in verse 6:33, that say: But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be give to you as well. These are Jesus’ words, from his famous sermon on the mount, delivered to a crowd shortly after he spent 40 days in the desert at the beginning of his ministry.
I’ve been familiar with this verse for a long time. It is a famous verse, often heard. But my relationship with this piece of scripture now is much more personal than before. You see, your mother and I sought the Lord, and we decided to seek Him first — not because of any profound sense of anything, but because we had no other option. This verse is a promise; it is also a command. We are to seek the Lord first, before anything else. And if we take that step of faith, He will keep His promise and provide for us. And he did. Over and over again.
Throughout the year, when the well was dry and bills were mounting, the Lord provided. Checks would show up for close to the amount we needed to pay an overdue bill. We had friends who offered unexpected financial support, as a gift. I had clients who told me they wanted to pay in advance when they never had made that offer before. All in all, we managed to make all of our payments, and most of them on time. Looking back, from today in early 2018, I can see the truth to the statement that God brings us through the valley. He brings us through the trials and difficult times not to make us suffer, but to deepen our faith, and ultimately to bring us closer to Him.
I cannot point to any other time in my life when my faith has grown more. Taking a step of faith means more to me now than it ever has. I can see where I can take those steps, and though it’s still hard, I know how to take that step; and what’s more is I know there is more faith in my heart because I have less fear and am more willing to take that leap.
If you think about it, all the heroes of faith in the Bible — Abraham, Moses, Daniel, Elijah, Paul, and so many more — all had to take that first step that proved to themselves that they had a confidence in what they hoped for and assurance about what they did not see (Heb 11:1). And every time they stepped up, God stepped in and made His presence known.
And as your mother and I walked this walk of faith, God reminded us of how close He really was, in prayer, in words of encouragement we shared with one another, in strengthening our marriage, and through you three.
There were moments when He spoke to us through you. You guys would bring words of encouragement to us when you knew we were down. They were simple words of a child, but spoke with purity of heart and love; the impact was as profound as it was lost on you. You didn’t know it, but God was using you to bless us. Iana was a newborn, and when we brought her home, it was like bringing a new light into the house. What a blessing she was for all of us! There is more laughter in our house than ever before, thanks to you three, and Him.
Now, I will not say that we are completely out of the woods. But things have gotten a lot better. There is room to breathe financially. Now is a time to remain disciplined and focused on Him even as He continues to provide and bless our family. We should not be tempted to say that we have gained this much by the might of our own hands (Deut 8:17), but remain focused on the Lord and his strength and presence in our lives.
I’m reminded of a verse in Proverbs (30:7-9): Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.
Dear ones, learn to live within your means. He will meet your needs. It is your job to temper the desires of you heart. But if your eyes remain on what’s most important, on God and His truth in our lives, you will always have your needs met. Your desires too. If you keep your eye on Him, your heart will be pointed in the direction He would have you go, and your desires follow. This is a truth that has played itself out in my life, over and over again.
It has also played out in the life of the young man from South Sudan who has suffered far and beyond what we could ever think or imagine. But in keeping his eyes on Jesus, he has found an undying hope that is living proof of how Jesus can do more for us than we could ever thing or imagine, as expressed in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, where it is written: Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the Church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Missio 